A Letter to 18-Year-Old Me

Earlier today I was dredging out old documents I had squirreled away over the years, partly to free up some space but mostly because there's no reason for me to hold on to tax information from 2013, insurance information for a car I no longer own, or a photocopy of a job application from high school. Among the old pay stubs, copies of old resumes, and other crap, there was a folder. There were a lot of folders of course, but this one stuck out because of five sheets of paper, all dated between May and September 2007, and all full of poems.

I have the great (mis)fortune of having been online and blogging for a while now on various sites, so the Young Adult Angst that I had growing up and entering adulthood is pretty visible if you know where to look. However, the poems I had tucked away in that folder, printed out from a laptop that has been dead for nearly a decade, were even more personal than the stuff I put up online. In flowery, cringe-inducing language, they described being homesick after going away to school, being afraid of what was ahead of me in life, and other things I've worked through as I've gotten older. It's not to say I'm without my own issues nowadays, but I figured I'd take a moment to write a letter to 18-year-old me:

Hey dude,  

Congratulations on getting out of high school and into the real world! Well, kind of "real world" since you can't afford much more than the Antelope Valley. You'll learn to like it. You'll actually end up liking it a lot more than a lot of people, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, you're going to grow and learn a lot, mostly the hard way, so that's pretty "real" I guess. 

You'll figure out how to get out of your shell and start dating, making appointments, shopping for groceries that are actually worthwhile, speaking up for yourself and others, and essentially become a functioning adult on some level. You're going to pick up some habits, some good ones but mostly bad ones. A lot of tough times are going to fall into your lap, both of your own creation and beyond your control, but you'll find a way to get through them whether you like it or not. I'm proud of you for that.

The neuroses you've had for so long are going to follow you, but you'll learn how to work around them. The lows are going to be low, but you'll eventually get to a point where things are okay. 

Drink more water, take up exercise, and lighten the fuck up. You'll feel better if you do.

Love you,

Me