Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Vaccines (for America!)

We're in year two of the 2020s, and there are still people confused about why we have to social distance, wear masks, and get the vaccine if we still have to wear masks and socially distance after the fact. I've come up with a way to explain it all in the most American way I can:

The virus is a million little Bad Guys With Guns. Wearing a mask is taking cover, and keeping at least 6 feet apart from one another makes the accuracy of the Bad Guys With Guns worse. The thing is, just taking cover and keeping a little distance isn't going to guarantee that you won't get killed by a stray bullet, so we need the only thing that can stop a Bad Guy With A Gun, which every American knows is a Good Guy With A Gun. 

The vaccines are Good Guys With Guns. The first dose is getting the good guys into position, and the second dose is the one where they get the ammo and you get some body armor. That way, the Good Guys With Guns and the Bad Guys With Guns can duke it out, and even though you can still get hit by a stray bullet in the crossfire you're way less likely to die from it. 

However, while you with your Good Guys With Guns can fight off the Bad Guys With Guns, other people who don't have their own Good Guys With Guns can still get caught in the crossfire and killed by a stray bullet, which is why people who are vaccinated still need to wear masks afterward; give your fellow Americans some cover.

Some folks still think the virus is fake or that the vaccine is dangerous. 29 million cases-- some people I know in the ranks-- and over a half million deaths-- of which I know a couple people-- should be enough evidence that the shit is real. Yes, there have possibly been 50 deaths tied to the vaccine, but considering 42.5 million people have gotten both doses of the vaccine the odds of dying from the vaccine are way lower than dying from the disease it protects you from. I refuse to live in fear of a needle prick, wearing a piece of cloth over my face, or big numbers. I think we can be braver than that. 

If you love Freedom and Liberty and Your Fellow American, wear a mask, get vaccinated if you can, and use some common fucking sense.