In Memoriam: My Shorts

It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to retire my favorite pair of running shorts. 

I bought a pair of Patagonia Strider 5 inch shorts (I think) in 2017 (I think) at my local outdoor gear shop (Elevation Sierra Adventure Essentials, that I'm sure of), not realizing that the shorts I'd run in previously were two inches longer. I was self-conscious about wearing them when I ran because my legs were ghostly white. It was bad enough running in longer shorts, but showing more thigh was not something I was used to. However, having only a couple other pairs of shorts meant I had no other choice but to wear them eventually if I wanted to go for a run before laundry day. Besides, I ran in the desert outside of town so no prying eyes would be blinded by my pasty gams. 

I grew to love those shorts. They taught me how to not give a shit about how my legs looked and to embrace the lightness and freedom of movement short shorts provide. I tried to get another pair of Strider shorts but, of course, the new versions of them weren't as good as the original. The rest of my shorts-- all 5 inch inseams now, of course-- have been fine, but not quite as good as those green Patagonia ones. 

I ran my first marathon in them. I tackled mountain trails, desert scrambles, city streets, and suburban sidewalks in them. They were in my rotation just about every week, even as other pairs of shorts blew out and fell apart. 

Last week, after my Wednesday morning run, I was hurting. It wasn't soreness from the run, and I didn't pull anything; it was from chafing. The hundreds of miles of thigh rubbing, sweaty unmentionables, and farts finally took their toll on my thin polyester butt-cover. The holes in the inner thigh no longer keep my legs from rubbing, the inner liner no longer supports like it used to, the elastic in the side pockets is going bad, and for the sake of my skin, the contents of my pockets, and my modesty, it's time for them to retire. It has happened with other shorts before, and assuredly it will happen again with others, but I can't help but feel a little bummed that my favorite pair of running shorts has finally run its course. 

I plan to mail them to Patagonia to have them recycled, so maybe the blood, sweat, and tears I've put in these shorts will live on in other well-loved gear in the future. 

Maybe some of the farts, too. 

One can only hope.